&#&^$#!!!!!! - Updated

The saga continues....
So I found out last Saturday that I was due for an emissions test, and had to pass before I could renew my license plates. Problem is, my check engine light was on... an automatic failure
In 6 days here is what has happened:
- Went to my regular mechanic and begged that they turn the light off, since this is a recurring issue that hasn't found a resolution in over three years. This is what I've done in the past to get through the emissions test. No dice this time, though... it came right back on.
- I wait until Monday, when a specialist would be at the shop. I call only to find out that he has no suggestions and I should take it to a VW dealership. There are two in the area, and neither are exactly what I would call "nearby".
- I take it to the dealership. They charge me $125 to diagnose the check engine light issue, and separately, $65 to find out why the dome light won't come on when I open the door. Except they don't TELL me the $65 is for diagnosis only. Then, they tell me the mass air flow sensor needs to be replaced. I've read up on this issue, and everyone says this is their diagnosis... they spend hundreds of dollars fixing it, only to have the check engine light come right back on. The dealership wants $700 to replace it. I tell them to go to hell and turn the light off.
- The light is off when I pick up the car, so I race to the emissions test center before it comes back on. I still fail. Apparently, two of the systems come up as "not ready". The guys asks if I've had my car tested recently, which of course I have, so I tell him. He says I need to drive my car around "for a while" and come back. I ask him what "for a while" means. He doesn't know. I leave the emissions test facility to head back to work (yes, I had to take off of work for this) and the light pops back on. I scream so hard I nearly have an accident. Which, ironically, would have solved all of my problems, now that I think about it.
- I call my mechanic. He's astonished at the asking price from the dealership and tells me it's a $200 part that takes 30 minutes to put in. So I book an appointment for today. They replace the mass air flow sensor, run the car for a while, and TWO MORE SENSORS pop up. I now have to replace three sensors (oh, and my air filter). Total? $711. Plus the $190 I spent at the VW dealership.
- I'm assuming this will fix the issue and ask the mechanic when the systems should be ready for me to go take another emissions test. He says I need to bring the car back on Monday to have them test it to see if it will pass (this will be free). Monday is, of course, the day the DMV is closed. So even if it works Monday, and I pass the emissions test, I will not be able to renew my plates before they expire. Which means I need to go to the DMV tomorrow, the busiest day of the month, and find out how to get a 7-day extension on my plates to tide me over until the systems are ready to be tested for emissions.

So, 9 days and nearly $1000 later, I MIGHT be able to pass an emissions test. For the time being.


God, never buy a VW.

Updated:  We accidentally left the garage door open, and someone rummaged through both our cars.  We didn't think anything was stolen, until we looked a little more closely at the garage.  They stole both of our bikes. 

I also lost my sunglasses.  So if anyone knows where the hell you can purchase dark rose-colored sunglasses that don't cover half of your face, please let me know.

Lastly, I filled out a survey from the VW shop, and told them that I thought they were way overpriced.  The "manager" responded that he didn't understand why I was so upset since they figured out what the problem is (ahem, anyone can plug in a diagnostics computer and figure out what was wrong with my car... hell, a five-minute Google search would have made you guess the "diagnosis" would be a mass air flow sensor!) and told me that of course they would be more expensive... because the VW shop is like a fine steakhouse and the "corner guy" is like a Denny's. 

I'd really like to know what god I pissed off this week.

Rock on, Adam Lambert

Mr. Lambert,

Okay, first of all, you seem like a nice guy, but your music is pretty boring.  I've heard it before a thousand times... there's no feeling behind it, it's just a mindless beat with words.  I like music with a bit more feeling behind it.

Now that I've got that out of the way...

I read an article yesterday, and then another one today.  Apparently, people are making a bit of a stink because you got a little saucy on stage and kissed another guy.  They've called it indecent, too racy for daytime TV, and wholly unsuitable for children.  But your response hit the nail on the head: "There are a lot of double standards as far as that goes.  We've seen female pop and rock performers do that for the last 10 years. They've been very provocative, owning their power and sexuality. You just don't see men doing it very often. And I'm hoping to break down that double standard with this number."

As a woman myself, let me tell you, that statement could not be more accurate, and I applaud your stand. 

I'm not saying female proformers should stop.  I consider it liberating, to see them "owning their power and sexuality", as you put it (such beautiful words, by the way!)  I haven't seen your performance, in the interest of full disclosure, but they've described it in such detail in the news that I almost feel like I have (apparently, reading about it is a-okay but watching it is not.  Kind of reminds me of when my parents wouldn't let me watch a TV-version of the movie adaptation of Michael Crichton's "Disclosure", even though I'd read the book).  Maybe the crotch thing was a little extreme (after years of watching Michael Jackson physically grab his, though, I feel that the entertainment industry doesn't really have a right to complain.  That cat is not only out of the bag, she's travelled across state lines at this point).  But a kiss shouldn't be described as indecent or racy.  This is the 21st century.  We've seen war, people jumping from 90 floors up as their building burns, New York covered in debris, New Orleans (and parts of England and Ireland) drowned, a giant flotilla of trash in the middle of the Pacific, American citizens living as refugees in a damaged stadium, assassinations, people bringing weapons to political events, crazed gunmen in malls, schools, and military installations... I could go on for pages (and on one of those pages would be the Twilight franchise, by the way).  But what do we get all worked up about?  A kiss.  It boggles my mind.

So keep up the good work.  Keep shocking the prudes.  Maybe one day they'll get used to it, and realize there isn't anything wrong with a kiss.

Unimportant rant about check engine lights

If tax dollars can't fund abortion insurance, then tax dollars shouldn't fund wars.

Compromise is never enough, it seems.

The pro-choice crowd has bent over backwards to please the pro-life crowd.  For those unfamiliar with what has happened, the health care bill before Congress originally allowed anyone taking part in the government plan or any government-subsidized plan to have abortion procedures covered.  There was a backlash from the conservatives and the "conservaDems" who are pro-life.  Ok, fine.  So the bill was changed so that anyone who wished to have abortion procedures covered would have to purchase separate "abortion coverage" with their own funds, so that no tax dollars were funding abortions (and the Republicans scrambled to remove abortion coverage from their own insurance plans after that fact was embarrassingly exposed).  Ok, fine.  I would hate to have to be the poor woman who has to go through the embarrassment of saying "yes, I would like abortion coverage", and it's pretty ridiculous because the government has the ability to "wall off" personal monies from tax monies so that no tax dollars would fund abortions anyways... but, hey, if being extra-double-sure gets the bill passed, whatever. 

Apparently, this is STILL not good enough for the pro-life crowd.

According to the AP, a member of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops has called this bill "actually the worst bill we've seen so far on the life issues."  The reason?  "[Abortion opponents] say that any funds a government insurance plan would use to pay for abortion would be federal funds by definition — even if the money comes from premiums paid by beneficiaries."  So even if you purchase an insurance plan with your own paycheck, it is, to them, technically federal money.  Methinks someone is missing the point and/or grabbing at straws.

The reason why people are specifically opposed to federal money being used is because they don't think that the tax dollars of a person who is opposed to abortion should go towards paying for abortions.  The theory is that you shouldn't ask someone to pay for something they don't believe in (but this only applies to people who are opposed to abortion... those who are opposed to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, for example, well, we have to shut up and show up on April 15th anyways).  But this plan, by it's very nature, only takes money from people who are pro-choice (presumably, otherwise why would they be buying abortion coverage) to pay for this additional insurance plan.  No money from any pro-life person, unless they're really stupid or hypocritical and buy the abortion insurance, will be used for the procedures they don't believe in.

Other abortion opponents have scoffed at the idea of the ability of the government to keep private funds and tax funds separate (whether or not separate insurance is required), forgetting entirely that any church taking government funds is, presumably, doing the exact same thing, considering that it is  illegal for a church to use government funds for a technically religious purpose (churches can use it for charity functions, like feeding the poor, etc.)

So what now?  Well, Democrats have a tendency to bend at any pressure.  If abortion opponents can kill the abortion insurance, or perhaps even the whole health care bill, just because they don't want ANY money even touched by government hands to fund abortion procedures, I say we do the same for war funding.  No funding for Iraq and Afghanistan, no funding for the Pentagon, no funding for any private contractor involved in any military endeavor, not a dime from the tax dollar vault.  Taxpayer dollars can only be used to fund the VA; everything else must come from the pockets of private citizens, and those citizens must find a way to pay the bill without government assistance.  The government cannot even simply pass the money from the private citizens to the various organizations, because technically the second the government is involved, it's federal funding and so it can't be used.  But let's not stop there.  Do you think pot should be legal?  Well, then no government monies can fund the drug wars.  Think it's unfair for churches to be tax exempt when your book club is not?  Boom, churches pay taxes, or your book club is now tax-free!  Think it should be wrong to deport people who have broken no laws, except the ones that say they can't be here?  Congratulations, illegal immigrants!  No tax payer dollars can be used to cart you back to the country you fled from.  After all, YOUR tax payer dollars should pay for something you vehemently oppose, right?

Think all that sounds ridiculous?  Well, it should.  Abortions are perfectly, 100% legal.  If you think that abortions should not be legal, then fine.  Work to make them illegal.  But as long as abortions are legal, tax payer dollars should be able to fund them, just like tax payer dollars can fund wars and lock up people for smoking a little dope after work.  If Congress works their bums off to separate your tax dollars from that which you think is wrong, while still allowing those who think it is fine to pay their own way, then be happy that you got what you asked for, because the rest of us don't get that same luxury; only you.  Don't bitch too loud, or you just might set a precedent that I don't think you'll like very much in the long run. 

I hate this time of year

What exactly is there left to like about Christmas?

- In a desperate attempt to squeeze more money out of us by reminding us that we HAVE TO buy crap or suffer the wrath of our greedy-ass children, it seems like every year the Christmas decorations go up earlier and earlier.  I stopped at the local mall on Halloween to pass some time before the kiddies started showing up at our house, and was treated with this weird dicotomy of kids in Halloween costumes with twinkling lights, garlands, and the Polar Express snow globe in the background.  Most of the local shopping centers and stores have their Christmas decorations up a week before Halloween, not only swallowing my favorite holiday but Thanksgiving as well in its greedy wake.  And don't even get me started on Hobby Lobby... they had eight aisles of Christmas decorations, trees, and craft supplies out for sale in JULY.  At that point, why do you even bother putting them away?

It's like Lewis Black says: "How much time do you people need TO SHOP?!?!?!"

- Those annoying "Keep Christ in Christmas" bumper stickers.  If the only way you're capable of properly celebrating the birth of your lord and savior is if the local school calls it "Christmas break" instead of "winter break", there is something seriously wrong with your theology.  Oh, and a hint?  I'm guessing when your savior died for your sins, his idea of celebrating his birth didn't include three-month-long Visa-funded consumerism orgies.  Just saying.  It might be a tad hypocritical to bitch at us for asking for a little inclusiveness when you seem hellbent on destroying your holiday all on by yourselves.

- Black Friday.  This year, it has been pushed up a month, apparently.  As if one day of this wasn't bad enough, now we have to suffer an entire MONTH of sales geared at tempting the throngs to dole out the cash.  What exactly is the draw of Black Friday anyways?  Last year, I woke up inexplicably at 4 in the morning on Black Friday.  It wasn't planned, but I couldn't fall back asleep, so I gave up and decided I would get dressed and go check out all this Black Friday stuff for myself (I'd never found it really necessary to threaten life and limb for a cheap TV.  Number 1 Rule of Life: You get what you pay for.)  But I didn't see a single, solitary sale that was anything special.  Buy one, get one half off... I see those all the time, why would I get up at four in the morning for that?  30% off... yawn. Oh, oh, here's one... a nice brand name camera for 60% off.  Interesting.  Well, don't bother... it doesn't matter if you camped out since last night in Chicago's late fall weather, you need a ticket to purchase one, and those were all given out to employees months ago.  Sucks to be you!

Seriously, people trample each other for this?

 - "The War on Christmas".  Every year, it's the same story.  Someone wants to put a menorah near the manger, or a pentacle-shaped wreath by the Christmas tree.  Wal-Mart renames their webpage with the ornaments and stuff the "Holiday Site".  And all of this equals a maniacal, orchestrated attempted to kill Christmas.  Nothing says love like treating your holiday as if it were Highlander... there can be only one!  Apparently the definition of persecution changed from "a program or campaign to exterminate, drive away, or subjugate a people because of their religion, race, or beliefs" to "hey, you threatened my religion's superiority by reminding me that there's more than one holiday in December!" 

What exactly does any of this have to do with the birth of Christ?  Does Jesus lose unless any mention of any "competing" holiday is completely wiped off of the face of the earth?  I don't get it.  I guess having more than one holiday in December is confusing to some people, and it makes them forget what religion they are, or something. 

- Historical denial.  Nearly everything commonly associated with Christmas has pagan origins of one sort or another (or was created by a corporation to get people to buy their stuff).  But mention these "coincidences" to many Christian groups and watch the angered sputtering begin.  It was created on December 25th, Year 0, completely intact, with no outside influence, certainly not PAGAN influence!  Nevermind that Santa has nothing to do with a baby being born to a virgin.  Nobody else seems to care where the tradition came from... cider tastes good, dammit, and decorated trees are very pretty... but to a few groups it's pure blasphemy to mention that traditions associated with their most holy of holidays might have non-Christian origins.  Even worse is Easter, which is so pagan it's not even funny, and can't be shrugged off like Christmas can.  I mean, you can claim all you want that the Christmas tree represents the "tree" (cross) that Christ died on, and/or evergreens represent the Christian concept of eternal life, but how do you explain giant bunnies and colored eggs?  Which brings me to my next point...

- Why is Christmas such a big deal, within the religious context?  This is one I've never understood, and I'm guessing it has more to do with non-religious reasons (*cough*presents*cough*) than religious ones.  But wouldn't you think Easter would have more of a religious significance than Christmas?  Sure, the image of a guy nailed to a cross and suffering until he is dead is pretty depressing, much moreso than a baby being born to a virgin (although I might be able to come up with a pretty convincing counter-argument), but since the death and resurrection of Christ is a cornerstone, nay, THE KEYSTONE of the Christian faith, you would think Easter would be a much more important holy-day than Christmas. 

Okay, so there's my yearly rant.  I'm sorry it sounds so anti-Christian... I honestly don't have anything against Christians who mind their own business and celebrate Christmas with their own family and their own traditions, and leave other people to do their thing.  The holiday itself is quite lovely, but I hate how the consumerism and fake victimhood has turned a nice holiday about love, tradition, family, and togetherness into a hate-filled excuse to claim one religion's superiority over all others. 

Oh, and Christmas?  You get a whole month, or two even.  Leave Halloween the f*ck alone.